The Gratitude Experiment

There’s a woman who comes to clean where I work and she’s one of these people who is really good at what she does, but everything that comes out of her mouth is a complaint. She greets you In the morning with a complaint, and proceeds to find something wrong with everything she encounters…and delights in letting you know about it.  All of us know somebody like this.  They’re very difficult to be around for very long.

Now there’s nothing inherently wrong with bringing to the attention of whoever’s in charge something that needs fixing.  Not at all.  But the act of constantly complaining can leave one feeling tired, unhappy and victimized.  It tends to suck the life energy out of you and everyone around you.  It’s also sad to think of all the blessings of life one misses when one takes life too seriously and can focus only on what’s wrong.

Am I guilty of complaining at times?  Sure.  And when I catch myself doing it (or, more likely, my husband points it out) I attempt to remedy my attitude by following this general rule of thumb…

1. 1.  For every critical, negative thing I say, I must find 4 things to be grateful for and comment on those.  This effectively shifts my energy to a healthier, more life-affirming one.

 2.  Take action.  If something is wrong and needs attention or fixing, simply complaining about it isn’t going to fix it.  That just makes me feel like a victim.  So, I ask myself, “What action steps can I take to remedy this situation, or that will in some small way contribute to the betterment of something?”  If it’s one of those things that you just can’t change , then…

 3.  Breathe and accept. Some things – however much we can’t stand them – just cannot be changed (politics and natural disasters comes to mind).  I need to learn to accept that this is part of life on this planet and breathe through it.

When I can catch myself complaining and follow the guideline above, my energy stays high, and I joyously remember what a blessed life I have.  It is my belief that the  more positive our energy is, the more blessings we attract into our lives.  In fact, this has been the case for me. 

Next time you catch yourself complaining, try these steps and see how it makes you feel.  Then, let me know by adding your comments below.

Boring, void of direction and lacking the love and compassion I desired.  I went through the motions of each day, went to school and work, paid the bills, watched television and went out occasionally with friends.  My life was full of sadness and anger.  I turned this all inward in an attempt to gain some semblance of control.  I struggled for over a decade with anorexia and bulimia while subjecting myself to physically and emotionally abusive relationships.   I didn’t believe I deserved better and I certainly didn’t believe I could create a different life.

Was there a single event that caused you to leave the life you knew behind and that propelled you into going for your heart’s desires? 

 There are two events in my life that I can point to as being pivotal in propelling me to move in a different direction. The first was the night my then boyfriend of several years told me he was marrying someone else.  That caused me to take a long hard look at the people I was surrounding myself with and decide that I deserved only the best in my life.  At that point, I began to focus on a kind, loving and honest man coming into my life.  What I had not realized was that he was there all along I had just overlooked him, as I was not focused on receiving the good he wanted to share.  In changing my focus, I changed the people in my life and this connected me with my husband, shifting me out of abusive relationships. 

The second event occurred while I was seeking a way to release my dependency upon bulimia.  I became pregnant and in an instant, I realized this was bigger than I was and the Universe was giving me an incredible wake-up call.  I was now responsible for someone other than myself in a way in which I had never experienced before.   My unborn child was 100% dependent upon me.  This shifted my viewpoint from one of selfishness and control to selflessness and loving myself and another human being in a manner in which I had never loved before.  With this shift, I was able to release the illness and move forward into a healthier way of living.  

What is your life like now? 

 I am at peace.  I know who I am and I am comfortable with myself.  I embrace love.  I give and receive compassion, caring, respect and beauty.  Only the important things matter to me.  I get up each morning grateful for another day and ready to contribute to the best of my ability.   I feel it is up to me to make a difference in the world and to encourage others to do the same by following my lead as I follow the lead of those making a difference in front of me.  My time is invested in positive activities: reading, writing, eating healthy, socializing with like-minded individuals, and community.  I release the people and things that attempt to bring drama or negativity into my life.  My boundaries are clear and in setting them, I have found that the people and things I desire to be part of my world, come flooding into my life.   I admit, there are days when challenges arise and my life is far from perfect, but I see these days as reminders that I have a choice to make.  I can either feed into things or redirect my thoughts and actions back onto the path I desire.

How do you balance your work life and home life? 

 It can be challenging to create a balance between the two.  I’m a very visual person and I have found that if I map things out on a calendar, poster board or a dry-erase board, it makes it easier for me to accomplish my goals while still having plenty of time for my family and friends.  I tend to take things in pieces with small chunks making up the whole.  For me, it’s a lot easier to spend 2 hours a day for 4 weeks on a project, than to spend 8 or 10 hours a day on it for a week.  I allow myself reasonable amounts of time and choose not to put myself in a position where the deadline is unreasonable or will cause me to feel stressed or tired.   My husband (a network marketer) works from home and his office is across the hall from mine.  We respect each others appointments and timelines while still setting aside time to be together each day.   I set my schedule so that my work is done by the time my daughter arrives home from school, allowing her and I to have our quality time together without being interrupted by my work commitments.  On days she chooses to play with friends or has an afterschool activity, I use the time to work on pending projects.  This way she feels as if she lead the charge and it was not mommy choosing work instead of being with her.

What would say to someone who has a dream but can’t find time to work on it because he or she is swamped with a job, taking care of an ailing parent, and/or raising children? 

 “Your life is not yet as uncomfortable as it needs to be to drive you to make a change.”  Simple as that.  There is no such thing as a person who does not have the ability to make the time to work on their dream.   If something is really truly important to you, you will find the time to devote to it.  I’ve been there.  I know what it is like to wish there were more hours in the day, to convince yourself that if there were, THEN you’d get the things you were trying to get done, done.  It doesn’t work that way.  Each day has 24 hours and if used properly (based on whatever your schedule is), you can achieve your dream.  The key is that the dream MUST be something that radiates from your heart and soul and that you are willing to give up other things for.   I wrote an article on creating time.  One of the tips I share is to spend a few days mapping out where you are devoting your time and efforts.  Write down everything you do for a 48-72 hour period and it will become apparent to you where you can redirect your energies and create time to focus upon your dream.    Ideas include: cutting back (or out) watching television, getting up 30 minutes earlier or going to be 30 minutes later and spending that time on your dream.  If you work a job with a set lunchtime or break time, close your office door or find a quiet space and use this time to work on your dream.   It’s your dream and no one else is going to invest in you unless you lead the way.   So when you feel a tug in the direction of your dream, open your heart and make way for the road crew to pave the path of your journey.

 What secret do you wish everyone knew? 

 Life is a game full of love, fun and creativity.  The object of the game is to see how excited we can all be to burst out of bed each morning and face the day ready to share our hearts and souls with each other and the world.   I wish people would give themselves the gift of taking care of themselves and allowing themselves to feel good, because when we feel good, it’s contagious!

For more info and to order Caryn’s new ebook (which is amazingly only $9.95) click here: 

http://bit.ly/g7B8MX

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Caryn FitzGerald is a mother, wife, friend, writer, healthy foodist, nature lover, teacher, blogger, entrepreneur, coach, and overall lover of life!  She holds a masters degree and her formal training is as a mental health therapist.  She spent many years working in both the prison system and the community sector assisting those facing challenges on redirecting their lifes path. Caryn has been writing in several genres for over thirty years.  Some of her recent work includes: “Tulips in the Sand: A Riley Matthews Mystery” and “Fish Sticks, Books and Blue Jeans – Teaching kids to be thankful for everything (yes, even Fish Sticks) everyday!” which she co-authored with her daughter, Sami.  

Her belief is that a full, abundant life can be created and enjoyed regardless of one’s past. 

Today she enjoys the blessings of playing from home as a writer & speaker, fulfilling her passions by assisting others in learning the techniques required to create the life of their dreams. 

Blog: http://www.EmbracingMyJourney.com

Website: http://www.CarynFitzgerald.com

Saturday was one of those days.  It started off nicely with a run in the woods with my dog, and I was even enjoying the long drive with my daughter to her Saturday morning class. But as the day wore on running one errand after another with now, two cranky pre-adolesents in tow, my sunny disposition began to fade. It reached a crescendo of negativity in the carpet store when both my daughters screamed at my husband and I for our carpet choice.  ”Seriously Mom, flax?  You’re going to put flax carpet in our house!  It’s worse that ugly! You’re not touching my room! I’m keeping my carpet.”  etc., etc.  I’ll spare you the rest, but let’s just say the language got more colorful and spilled over to our other decorating choices…delivered at an ear-piercing decibel in the car.  I wanted to open to the car door, kick them out and leave them standing by the side of the road.

I didn’t though.  Like every other time, I breathed through it, and eventually they both calmed down and apologized to me.  However it’s moments like those where my ability to practice proactive gratitude aludes me.  How can I think of something to be grateful for at that moment? I can’t. And you know what? That’s okay. I’m not perfect.  I can, however, chose to forgive myself, see what lesson I can take from the experience, and try again.

It has been becoming clear to me recently that one daughter, in particular, reflects my shadow.  She acts out…in dramatic fashion…those places in me I refuse to accept about myself.  My healing then, comes when I can recognize those places, embrace them in me and forgive myself.  In this instance, her outburst reminded me that I have been pretty judgmental of the way in which my place of worship is decorated…really hating the color it’s painted, etc.  I don’t scream it of course. But the judgement is in me just the same.  I had the opportunity to recognize that on Saturday (after I had calmed down) embrace my judgemental thoughts, forgive myself, and then choose to be more accepting and gentler in my views.

That’s where the gratitude comes in.  I couldn’t get to this realization until I had wrapped my mind around something I was grateful for.  That day, I was soooooooo grateful that we had a babysitter coming that night and my husband and I could go out and enjoy ourselves.  I think I had never been so grateful for a babysitter!  After that huge gratitude others came easily. That’s when I was able to have the realization about the shadow.  One gratitude followed another and the rest of the weekend was wonderful.

The lesson again?  To Forgive Ourselves.  It’s okay to get caught up in a negative moment. We’re all human.  It’s just not okay to stay there. When we can, let’s bring our mind back to something for which to be grateful…anything…but make it big…really feel the gratitude. Then we can look at what lesson there may be for us in the situation…embrace it and move forward in gratitude.

Many blessings.

I happened to catch the Today Show this morning when a psychologist and Glamour Magazine editor were commenting on a startling report which found that women have on average 13 brutally negative thoughts a day about their bodies. That’s about one every waking hour.  Some had as much as 100.  (Here is the link to the show to find out more:  http://today.msnbc.msn.com/id/41669051/ns/today-today_health/)   

Then the psychologist repeated this saying that has become common in her field, “Neurons that fire together wire together.”   In other words, thoughts that we have repeatedly throughout the day about ourselves determines how our brain gets wired around our self-concept and, by extension, everything else we perceive.   She suggested that all those hateful thoughts about our body become a habit that keeps us trapped into general low self-esteem and powerlessness.

Well…I’m wondering what would happen if we had 13 positive thoughts about ourselves combined with grateful thoughts about our lives every day?  If the axiom holds true that “Neurons that fire together wire together”, then these thoughts will work together to wire our brains around naturally self-loving, life-loving concepts that produce high self-esteem and self-empowerment.  That’s my theory.

There’s only one way to find out. And because this is the Gratitude Experiment, let’s experiment with this idea: try for this for a few weeks and report back with your results.  So, in conjunction with your regular practice of proactive gratitude, try consciously noticing what you like about your body, your  talents, your brain, your abilities, the way you show up in the world, etc.   See if you can notice just one thing an hour. Or, concentrate these thoughts and notice 6 or 7 things all at once, two times a day…whatever is easiest for you.  But do this consistently.  Then, let me know how it goes for you.

Do you want to end the year on an energetic high and begin the momentum for creating a magnificent New Year?   Then join me in my annual end-of-the-year activity: making a list of 100 things to be grateful for this year.  

Don’t have 100 things to be grateful for you say?  Ah, I’ll bet you do. We all do. You just have to exercise the gratitude part of your brain a bit.

So get out your journal or yellow legal tablet and just start it.  It may seem overwhelming at first, but just start with one…then another one will come…then another.  It doesn’t have to be huge, monumental things.  The small blessings are just as important.  Once you get started you will be amazed at how many things come to you that you hadn’t really considered before. And that’s the great thing about this exercise.  It trains your brain to notice what most people overlook.  And once you do notice it, it’s yours…you own it. It becomes a part of your life.  That energy then carries you into the New Year on a vibration that will attract more and more of same to you.

So go on. Get out your paper and just begin. You can take a couple of days if you want. There’s no rush. Take your time with it and enjoy.  Then, let me know how it goes for you.

Many blessings for a magnificent New Year!

I was thinking the other day about what this Earth would have looked like before we humans got here.  The Earth that God created was perfectly balanced, unspoiled, virgin beauty. 

Then we arrived.  We human beings who had the power to think, plan, manipulate and dominate.  What happened then?  The Earth has most definitely suffered from the results of our manipulation…her waters and air are polluted, her trees are slashed and burned, and her continents are invaded, blood-soaked and conquered.  There’s no doubt humankind’s greed, ego and fear have taken a huge toll on our planet.

Has humankind ever made the planet better?  Yes, I think at times it has.  When we have worked with nature, from a place of love and respect, the results have been to the Earth’s benefit as well as our own.  When we align with positive, creative energy and use our God-given talents to add beauty to the world, we get breathtaking gardens, majestic architecture, inspirational music, dance and art, and resources like water that flows where people need it.

In the same way, there are two ways we humans use our inherent intelligence and co-creative power in our personal lives.  We can us it to create a life of struggle, lack and unhappiness, or we can use it to create an inspirational life of beauty, joy, abundance and love.  In other words, when we are aligned with the natural power of the Universe…which is always limitless good…we co-create the magnificent.  On the other hand, when we are aligned with our fear, greed and ego demands, we create a life of “quiet desperation” as Thoreau wrote about.

One of the most powerful and effective ways to realign with the creative power and the love within us, and thereby access our ability to create a magnificent life, is by practicing proactive gratitude.

Now on the surface, it would appear we must have something in our lives to be grateful for.  And we humans naturally tend to look for the big stuff like financial security, perfect health, successful careers and successful marriages. If we don’t happen to have any one of these big four, most have a harder time finding things to be grateful for. However, I’m absolutely certain that all of us have dozens of blessings in our lives that we can choose to focus on, rather than on what’s missing.  And that’s the point.  Choosing to shift our focus from what’s missing in our lives to the blessings in our lives…and really celebrating those things…makes all the difference in the world.  Here’s why…

 When we continually focus on our blessings (however small we think they may be) we are actively aligning with our creative power.  We are shifting our energy in the balance of life which, in itself, attracts more blessings into our lives.  But don’t take my word for it. Do the experiment and prove it to yourself.  Practice proactive gratitude for a few weeks and see if things don’t start changing for you. Not only will you feel happier and more at peace, but you will also notice that there are more and more things for which to be grateful.   Once you’ve reached that “tipping point” in the balance of the positive, you’ll notice that the big 4 areas will begin to shift as well.   Again the practice is…

 1.)    Search for things, events and people in your life…on a daily basis…for which to be grateful.  Be specific.  Some days take more searching than others.  But, set your intention to be aware throughout the day that you are looking for something to be grateful for.

2.)    Celebrate those things.  Begin to really feel good about each one. Give a good “woo-hoo;” do a little dance; sing a song, or just allow yourself to feel like…”yeah, my life is indeed blessed!”

 3.)    Document at least 5 things for which you are grateful daily. You can do this either in your own journal, on this blog in the “comments” section, or on the Gratitude Experiment community on Facebook (The Gratitude Experiment on Facebook) Sharing what you are grateful for increases the energy around it, which then draws to you more to be grateful for.  

Now, don’t you wonder what the Earth would look like if enough of us humans practiced proactive gratitude?  Do you think there would be more peace, more love, more beauty, more prosperity, affordable education, affordable and effective health-care, effective solutions to pollution and global warming? What changes do you imagine?  And how many of those who practice gratitude would it take to tip the balance in this direction?

The following is a talk I gave at Unity Center of Peace on November 14, 2010.  For those who couldn’t make it, I’m posting it here:

One very cold day last November when I went for a run in the woods with my dog.  I was deep in thought about my life.  I couldn’t understand why, with all the meditation and imaging and affirmations and prayers that there were things that were not going well…at all.  I was having tremendous challenges with one of my children.  I wondered why my business was failing.  You probably know how this goes…one negative “woe-is-me” thought follows another.  I quickly became consumed by the idea that all life is unfair and my life stunk.  I was just considering turning back, when my dog stopped and sniffed at something for what seemed like an eternity.  Irritated at the idea of being forced to stop, I grumbled something, and then suddenly…I looked up and noticed it. 

The sun had broken through the clouds and appeared to be shining directly on one tree in a grassy patch.  This tree still had its leaves which had turned golden, and in the direct sunlight it positively glowed.  I stood there in amazement.  “What beauty!  What a gift this is!”  How could I dwell on all that appeared wrong in life when this miracle stood before me?  As I began to open to gratitude for this, a wave of love and gratitude flooded me and I felt like I was floating.  I felt so one with tree and with the forest.

I started to give thanks to the universe for the beauty of this site, and then gave thanks to my dog for stopping me so that I wouldn’t miss it.  I was grateful for the whole forest and for the opportunity to run in it that morning with my dog. Well, as it happens with gratitude, one gratitude led to another and then to another, and another.  This attitude of sudden gratitude started slipping into my

thoughts about my life and, before long, I began to realize my life was pretty darned blessed.  My thoughts turned to all the prosperity, love and well-being in my life.  A blast of energy rushed through my body and I was suddenly leaping over stones and roots. 

When I got back home I felt changed…perhaps forever.  Now mystical experiences are, by their very nature…fleeting.  It takes a commitment to practice in order to incorporate what we’ve experienced so that we may be transformed…in order for it to be the transformative event it was meant to be.

Thats when I decided to create this blog.  It kept me accountable to my gratitude practice and supporting others in their practice.

And we need the support because the temptation to complain…the temptation to look at what’s missing from our lives, what’s not going well, what’s wrong with our lives is so great.  We seem to be wired for it.  And then that gets reinforced by our friends, our community, and our media….advertisers…that’s how they sell products!  They make you feel like you’re a loser, and everything in your life is wrong…unless you have their products. 

Complaining can feel pretty good to do in the moment. Particularly when we feel justified. Ohhh, it feels so good to be right…to be justified in our complaint…we can find friends who will agree with us and complain right along with us, can’t we?

And, we have our little “pet peeves” you know.  Many of us actually “love to hate something.”  We get some sort of satisfaction and thrill out of our pet peeves that becomes almost an addictive “high” when we engage in them.   “You see, I told you she would do that…ohhhh, that really gets my goat.  I hate that when she does that.” Or, “This happens to me every time. I always get in the longest damn line, or behind the slowest driver.” Etc., etc.

Oh, but this complaining…this pet peeve stuff, comes at such a high price.

First, there’s the physical. A fair amount of scientific research has been done…most notably by a psychologist and professor at the UC, Davis, Dr. Robert Emmons, who has conducted studies with…a control group, a complaining group and a intentional gratitude group…that have shown that complainers, don’t sleep as well, are less engaged in life, and suffer more depression than either the control or the gratitude group.

His study indicates that “participants in the ‘gratitude group’ felt more joyful, enthusiastic, interested, attentive, energetic, excited, determined and strong” and were more likely to “offer others more emotional support or help” than the control group.   The gratitude participants reported sleeping better, had increased positive feelings and life satisfaction, and were 25% happier overall than before they began the experiment.   He believes that the practice of intentional gratitude may even prevent depression.  Other longitudinal studies have been done that show that complainers have more heart attacks and don’t live as long as those who are grateful.

Michael Beckwith tells us:  “the Universe doesn’t know the difference between what you love and what you hate, it only knows what you’re interested in.”  The Universe only knows what’s got your attention and what you’re emotionally caught up in.  The Universe “reads” the tone of your vibration and reflects back into your world more of the same.  This is why it may seem as if you are revisiting the same painful experience over and over.

When we really look at: current circumstances are temporary. The question is…will we continue to experience these same circumstances over and over?  We certainly will if we only look at how “awful” the situation is and bemoan it.  If we never look for the blessing within the challenge, or see it from a higher perspective.  We are doomed to repeat it.

It’s when we have the courage to open our heart and our minds and trust that something wonderful is on it’s way…that this situation could be just the thing that will propel our growth into a new plateau of joy and success.

 We know that sometimes the most amazing blessings come to us out of the most challenging experiences.  We’ve all heard stories of people who’ve worked at a company for years and relied on the steady paycheck, then suddenly the rug is pulled from underneath them and they’re layed off.  Those who focus on how horrible it is, and spend their energy blaming others are doomed to repeat it, or experience anger and frustration their whole life.  Then there are those with whom…this same event occurs…and they’ve chosen to see it as a blessing. They’re grateful for it happening because they can now pursue something they’ve always wanted to do.

The same goes for relationships that end.  It feels so painful and it’s so easy to blame the other, but those who do are doomed to repeat painful relationship after painful relationship. Those who are can find a blessing it in will usually find someone much better suited to them.   Or, they simply and truly love the solitude.

The experience can also teach us about forgiveness.  We can learn to forgive ourselves, our family and our friends.  What a blessing that is. Forgiveness frees us.

But this takes work.  It takes practice. Practice makes perfect.  A joyful process! Some days are more difficult than others to find things to be grateful for.  But, that’s where the real work comes in.  That’s when we need to “refresh the screen” of our minds and take a look at where our thinking has been leading us…where our focus has been.

When we do become aware that we’ve been focusing on what’ wrong with life, we can change it.

The good news is that we have a choice about how we perceive something.   We can choose to see any experience as a curse or a blessing. Think about an experience right now that you may consider a challenge…a big challenge.  Got it? 

Now right here in this moment, we can…

1) stop, take a few deep breaths and be willing to shift into another perspective.  It all starts with a willingness.

2) You can now open yourself up to the possibility that there may be something greater behind the current circumstance.  There may, in fact, be a blessing in it. 

3) Begin to claim that this blessing is making itself known to you.  And now,

4) Consciously, proactively find things around this issue that are in fact, a blessing.  Once you’ve noticed just one thing, you will soon notice another. You will begin to notice more and more things to be grateful for.  And before you know it, your whole consciousness is full gratitudes, you feel great, and your vibration is lifted.  And it is then that you begin to attract more experiences of joy, love, prosperity and well-being.

Sarah Ban Breathnach, who wrote the wildly successful, Simple Abundance said, “Both abundance and lack exist simultaneously in our lives, as parallel realities. It is always our conscious choice which secret garden we will tend…when we choose NOT to focus on what is missing–but are grateful for the abundance that is present—the wasteland of illusion falls away and we experience Heaven on Earth.”

Consciously, actively tending the abundance garden is about practicing proactive gratitude. What is Proactive Gratitude?

So the three steps of proactive gratitude are…

1)    Actively search for things to be grateful for from the time you wake up. (check out Gratitude Mondays on this blog and on Facebook on Monday mornings.)

2)    Celebrate those things. Dance, sing, shout.  Allow yourself to enjoy it!

3)    Document it. It builds the evidence that we are cared for, that we are blessed, that we are loved.  The mind is always looking for evidence. Give it what it wants. By writing down what we are grateful for everyday, we build evidence that the Divine is present in our environment and that the universe is conspiring to support you. 

One of greatest benefits of practicing proactive gratitude is that you begin to realize that you live in a friendly universe that has created a magnificent world for you to enjoy.  You start to feel…deep down in your bones…that there is a force (whether you call it Creative Intelligence, the Infinite, God, or whatever) that loves you so much that It has given you…and continues to give you…more good than you can possibly imagine. Take it personally!  (My sunset experience)

After a while, the practice of proactive gratitude rewires the circuitry in your brain.

This is the place we want to get to in our practice of proactive gratitude.  We want to “know it in our bones.”   The Universe responds to our self-contemplation and intention.  When you feel that your life is blessed, and you are loved, then naturally you begin to feel worthy.  “Wow, I must be a pretty special person, I must be so beloved to have all these wonderful blessings given to me every day.  Hey, I must actually be worth it!” This is how we “sneak up on our worthiness.” 

This is a much more effective way to begin to accept our true worth then repeating positive affirmations to yourself all day…much more.  Positive affirmations are great, don’t get me wrong.  They have a place in our spiritual practice. But practicing proactive gratitude actually shifts the energy around our beliefs in our worthiness.

Rev. Michael Beckwith tell us : “You are to be grateful for everything in your life…not just the good stuff…but EVERYTHING.”   When I first heard that I thought, he must be speaking metaphorically or something   No, he actually meant everything. 

It’s easy to be grateful for the beautiful fall colors or a good meal or our spouse when there are loving or our health when we’ve got it, but not easy when things are not going our way!

But there is a deeper level on which we can take this message.  Beckwith went on to say that, “when we are grateful for everything, we are literally lifting our vibration…lifting it out of the realm of dense, physical form…out of the realm of ‘effect’ and into the vibration of ’cause’.”  

Okay, if we accept that everything is energy, and all things vibrate at a certain vibration…and that like vibration attracts that which is like itself…then this begins to make sense. 

Our experiences are, in fact, the ”effects” in our life.  It’s not who we are. Who we are is far greater than the experiences and circumstances of our life.  You are an expression of Life itself..of the Divine.  When you focus on this…you can be thankful for your life. When you are thankful for your life, you begin to feel better about yourself and about life in general. 

When you feel better about your life, your mind becomes clearer. You can begin to see solutions to certain challenges. You begin to get ideas about how you can change things. You  can also feel more compassion for myself and others.  You can love yourself more.  All of this lifts your vibration into the realm of “cause” from which all experience flows.  And the experiences that flow from this vibration are blessed indeed!

David Owen Ritz who created the Keys to the Kingdom class says, “When you feel a deep sense of gratitude, you are not just saying “thank you” to life for blessings you. You are actually focusing your creative energy and bringing it to bear on your life.”

In the book, The Science of Getting Rich, author Wallace Wattles devotes an entire chapter on gratitude because it’s essential in increasing prosperity.  He says, “Our gratitude liberates an energy within us that immediately expands into the formless substance, where it is instantly returned to us in kind.”

What does this mean to us? It means that we can be grateful in advance!  And the gratitude touches formless substance and creates future experiences.

Deepak Chopra is always talking about “the field of infinite possibilities.”   In Quantum Physics they tell us that the appearance of a subatomic particle depends upon your viewpoint…it’s a wave or it’s a particle…depends on the scientist viewpoint…the observers viewpoint.  The subatomic particles become whatever we expect them to be…

Am I a victim of circumstance or am I blessed beyond measure?  The little particles are forming themselves around your viewpoint.  If you start with the assumption that you are blessed, that an abundance of good is there for you now and will always be there for you…and your future is bright and limitless, you are choosing how those little particles going to form.  If you trust that you are Divinely guided to do whatever you need to do in the process, then that’s how the particles are forming.

If we can get to a place where we can be grateful that your vision is already complete in the mind of God…that, it is, in fact, already done…then the actual manifestation is just the details.

Ernest Holmes, a pioneer in the field of Law of Attraction, wrote in his masterwork, The Science of Mind, “Faith looks to the invisible, and instead of seeing a void, fastens it’s gaze on a solid reality.”

Once we discover what a positive impact the practice of gratitude can make in our lives, we tend to get excited about the practice which,  in turn, helps us remain motivated to continue…for a time.  Our gratitude practice has perhaps made us feel better, more uplifted and more joyful.  Perhaps we are more in love with the people in our lives, or our health is improving, or our days are more harmonious.  Life is good.

Then, after a few weeks or so, a dastardly thing happens…we begin to forget the very practice that has brought about this transformation and we neglect to practice.  We begin to slip back into our old patterns.  Perhaps we start complaining and focusing what’s wrong in our lives. Or, perhaps we begin to judge what should be and what shouldn’t be.   Soon our life begins to reflect our attitude…and there are suddenly more things to complain about.

Why does this happen?  Why would we drop a practice that has made such a huge difference in our lives?  It happens because we human beings are naturally more comfortable with our old attitudes and our old ways of looking at life.  It fits us like a comfortable old pair of sweats.  And we slip into them without thinking. Then, once they’re on, we can be reluctant to expand the energy to take them off and put on a clean outfit!  Even if our old attitudes make us unhappy, at least we feel normal…we feel like our old selves.  We may even rationalize that a transformational practice like proactive gratitude is nice when we remember to do it, but “we have to face reality.”  We completely forget that we create our reality by the way we look at life.

So how do we prevent this from happening?   If this is basic human nature, how do we make permanent change in our thinking and therefore our lives?  Here are a few tips that can sustain our commitment to  practicing proactive gratitude.

1. Get support.  Surround yourself with people who have a similar goal. If you need to make some new friends, then do it.  There’s lots of beautiful, positive people in the world who value personal growth.  Find them and befriend them.  You can also find groups on social networking sites (such as the gratitude community on Facebook) that share common a commitment. 

2. Set up reminders. You may want to post reminders to practice gratitude and stick them to your bathroom mirror, computer or dashboard.  For those of you who schedule your day in a planner, consider scheduling a block of time to reflect and focus on what you are grateful for that day.

3. Be accountable to someone. You might want to find a “gratitude buddy” with whom you can connect on a regular basis and share your experiences.  Or, you may prefer to work more formally with a life coach who will assure you stay accountable.

4. Reinforce the positive.  Acknowledge yourself for your commitment to practice…particularly when life gets a bit bumpy and it’s a challenge to find something to be grateful for.  Pat yourself on the back.  Congratulate yourself.  Reward yourself with something nice like relaxing with a cup of tea or buying flowers for yourself.

 Transformational practices by their very nature challenge us to follow a path that is, at times, uncomfortable.   Slipping back into familiar, safe patterns is expected.  Be gentle with yourself.  Love yourself through it.  And, by trying the suggestions here, you will rise above, grow in grace and realize your highest potential.

In the spirit of tolerance this 9th anniversary of September 11th, and World Day of Prayer this week, I am posting James Twyman’s compellation of prayers of peace from the world’s 12 major religions (in no particular order.) It’s interesting to see how all people, no matter their religion, and even those who are decidedly unreligious (think John Lennon’s song, Imagine: “Imagine all the people living life in peace…”) deeply desire to feel inner peace, to love, and to live in a peaceful world.  If we could only focus more on our desire for peace more than our desire for revenge or fear…well, imagine what the world could be.

Jewish Prayer

Oh come let us go up to the mountain of the Lord, that we may walk the paths of the Most High. And we will beat our swords into ploughshares and our spears into pruning hooks.

Christian Prayer

Love your enemies. Do good to those who hate you. Bless those who curse you. Pray for those who abuse you. Blessed be the Peacemakers, for they shall be called the Children of God.

Muslim Prayer

Praise be to the Lord of the Universe, who has created us and made us into tribes and nations that we may know each other, not despise each other.

Sikh Prayer

Know that we attain God when we love, and only that victory endures in consequence of which no one is defeated.

Native American Prayer

Give us the wisdom to teach our children to love, to respect and to be kind to one another, so that we may grow with peace in mind.

Buddhist Prayer

May all beings everywhere plagued with sufferings of body and mind quickly be freed from their illnesses.  May all beings swiftly attain Buddhahood.

Hindu Prayer

Oh God, lead us from the unreal to the Real. Oh God, lead us from darkness to light. Oh God, lead us from death to immortality.  Shanti, Shanti Shanti, unto all.

Zoroastrian Prayer

We pray to God that understanding will triumph over ignorance, that generosity will triumph over indifference, that trust will triumph over contempt, and that truth will triumph over falsehood.

Jainist Prayer

Peace and universal love is the essence of all the Gospels. Forgive do I creatures all, and let all creatures forgive me.

Native African Prayer

You are the one who does not hesitate to respond to our call, you are the cornerstone of peace.

Shinto Prayer

We earnestly wish that the wind will soon puff away all the clouds hanging over the tops of the mountains.

Baha’i Prayer

Be a breath of life unto the body of humankind, a dew upon the soil of the human heart, and a fruit upon the tree of humility.

We here at the Gratitude Experiment are doing our own personal research to discover the power of practicing daily gratitude in our lives (and anyone can participate…click on the How to Participate tab.) We want to know if the practice can actually transform our lives. And those of you who have been practicing proactive gratitude for some time may have already proven to yourself that you are now happier, healthier, sleep better, have more fulfilling relationships, more fulfilling work, and your success and prosperity may have even increased.  Many have proven this to themselves.

But did you know that there has been a fair amount of scientific research already done to answer this same question?…most notably by a psychologist and professor at the University of California, Davis, Dr. Robert Emmons.

Emmons has published his studies in medical journals and in several textbooks.  Emmons theory is that, similar to our weight after dieting, our level of happiness has a certain “set-point” that it returns to shortly after any conditions or experiences that would bring about joy or sorrow.  He believes we are genetically coded to experience a certain level of happiness.  But, that this level can be positively and permanently altered by practicing intentional gratitude.

Results of his study indicate that “participants in the gratitude condition felt more joyful, enthusiastic, interested, attentive, energetic, excited, determined and strong” in addition to offering others more emotional support or help than the control group.   The gratitude participants reported sleeping better, had increased positive feelings and life satisfaction, and were 25% happier overall than before they began the experiment.   He believes that gratitude may lessen and even prevent depression.

How does the practice of intentional gratitude affect our physical well-being?  Well, a study done by psychologist Glen Affleck indicates that heart patients “who feel appreciative of life” after a heart attack have a reduced risk for subsequent attacks. And a study conducted at the Duke University Medical Center found that patients with significant arterial blockage were substantially less likely to say they count their blessings, and were encouraged to include the practice as a coping strategy.

Studies show that even our life span is positively affected by the practice to gratitude, and negatively affected by negative emotions…particularly depression and pessimism. A 35 year longitudinal study of male Harvard students found significantly less disease at midlife in the optimists than from their pessimistic counterparts.  And a study at the Mayo Clinic found that those who scored high on optimism had a 50% lower risk of premature death than those who scored as being more pessimistic.  (See previous blog post The Gratitude Experiment Day 57 on the subject of how the practice of gratitude relates to optimism.)

Hopefully there will be more studies done in the future on this often overlooked practice of gratitude and how extremely beneficial it can be to every area of our lives.  And if you have heard of any studies done in this area, please share them here with us.

In the meantime, we will be doing our own personal experiments with the practice of proactive gratitude, and reaping all the rewards!