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Gratitude and Receiving

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Another important benefit of practicing gratitude is that it helps us truly receive.   Now, before you say, “But isn’t it more important to give than receive?” Or,” I don’t have any trouble receiving,” I’ll ask you to take another look at that.

Our whole world depends upon a balance of giving and taking.  We give nourishment to our garden and in time we receive vegetables and flowers. We give of our time and talents to work and it gives back to us in salary and a sense of fulfillment.  We give to our friends and family and they give back to us.   Even the act of breathing is a give and take.  We’ll soon expire if we don’t take in a breath, and the same is true if we don’t let it out.  

However, when things get out of balance and we find ourselves giving more than we’re receiving we can feel depleted, exhausted and maybe even resentful.  If the lack of balance continues it can affect our health, our finances, our relationships and our general happiness.

When we can take a moment to notice and be grateful for the beauty of the world around us and simply take it in, we are receiving.  When we can allow the sun’s warmth to touch our skin and be grateful, we are receiving.  When we can accept a compliment gracefully, we are receiving. When we can accept a friend’s offer to help us with something and be grateful for them, we are receiving.  When we can allow ourselves to taste our food and be grateful that it satisfies our hunger and nourishes our body, we are receiving.   When we gratefully accept a hug from our child, friend or lover, we are receiving.

Practice receiving this week.  Notice how many different ways the world gives to you and then, allow yourself to enjoy it.  Take it in. Be grateful for all ways the world supports you and gives to you.

The Broken Tree of Love

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Next to a driveway I take frequently to access  a hiking trail head, there’s a kind of a bush or tree that I assumed was dead because it had fallen down and it’s limbs were scattered in a seemingly chaotic pattern.  It looked awful.  Being winter, of course, there are no leaves on any trees, but I assumed this was just dead, and wondered why the city didn’t do anything about clearing this eyesore.  I found myself becoming irritated and complaining in my head about it every time I saw it.

Well, I’ll bet you can guess what happened.  Spring came and out pops the most beautiful lavender blossoms I’ve ever seen all over these “dead” branches.  Every day this broken tree gets more beautiful and I feel a bit guilty having judged, and even been irritated by, something whose beauty was merely hidden from view.  Since then, every time I pass this tree I praise it and am grateful for not only its beauty but also the lesson it holds for me. 

Now, yesterday I pull into this driveway, regard these magnificent branches and what do I see?  Little leaves are springing out that are in the shape of hearts.  Heart-shaped leaves. Well, that just did it for me.  How could I miss the metaphor now?

I was compelled to ask myself if there were anything within me or in my life that I have been irritated by, or have been judging as ugly, broken and wanting to get rid of.  After some deep reflection, I’d have to say yes, there is.  So, what if I held this “thing” as a “tree” whose beauty is simply hiding?  What if I endeavor to find a blessing within this condition?   What would happen if I picture little hearts all over it?  What would happen if I expressed genuine gratitude for this?

My guess is that this “ugly, broken” thing will blossom into a beautiful healing for me and, when it does, I will have expanded my life and be able to express more of my potential.  Of course this takes some effort on my part. It’s not as simple as just affirming a blessing for this condition a few times.  Not after years of condemning it.  It will take daily diligent effort.  But now that the lesson is so clear and my intention is set, nothing can hold me back.

How about you? Is there an area of your life that you feel is broken or that makes you irritated and you wish it would just go away?  Is there something inside yourself you’ve been judging as unacceptable?  Try to see it as branch in winter ready to spring forth beautiful blossoms at the mere thought of you changing your mind about it and loving it.  Express your gratitude for it daily and know that when you do you are, in effect, calling forth the blessings.  If you are a visual person, you could visualize little heart-shaped leaves all over it.  What I know for sure is that everything is in our lives for a reason and, seeing it from the eyes of gratitude transforms a “curse” a magical blessing that will help us express more of our divine potential.

Rule of Thumb for Complaining

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There’s a woman who comes to clean where I work and she’s one of these people who is really good at what she does, but everything that comes out of her mouth is a complaint. She greets you In the morning with a complaint, and proceeds to find something wrong with everything she encounters…and delights in letting you know about it.  All of us know somebody like this.  They’re very difficult to be around for very long.

Now there’s nothing inherently wrong with bringing to the attention of whoever’s in charge something that needs fixing.  Not at all.  But the act of constantly complaining can leave one feeling tired, unhappy and victimized.  It tends to suck the life energy out of you and everyone around you.  It’s also sad to think of all the blessings of life one misses when one takes life too seriously and can focus only on what’s wrong.

Am I guilty of complaining at times?  Sure.  And when I catch myself doing it (or, more likely, my husband points it out) I attempt to remedy my attitude by following this general rule of thumb…

  1. 1.  For every critical, negative thing I say, I must find 4 things to be grateful for and comment on those.  This effectively shifts my energy to a healthier, more life-affirming one.

 2.  Take action.  If something is wrong and needs attention or fixing, simply complaining about it isn’t going to fix it.  That just makes me feel like a victim.  So, I ask myself, “What action steps can I take to remedy this situation, or that will in some small way contribute to the betterment of something?”  If it’s one of those things that you just can’t change , then…

 3.  Breathe and accept. Some things – however much we can’t stand them – just cannot be changed (politics and natural disasters comes to mind).  I need to learn to accept that this is part of life on this planet and breathe through it.

When I can catch myself complaining and follow the guideline above, my energy stays high, and I joyously remember what a blessed life I have.  It is my belief that the  more positive our energy is, the more blessings we attract into our lives.  In fact, this has been the case for me. 

Next time you catch yourself complaining, try these steps and see how it makes you feel.  Then, let me know by adding your comments below.

An Interview with Author & Entrepreneur Caryn FitzGerald

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The following is an interview with the author of the soon-to-be-released ebook, “Living the Life of My Dreams: Essays & Interviews with 30 Ordinary People Living EXTRAordinary Lives” (Click link below for more info on her book)  Caryn is a big advocate of practicing gratitude. She shares how she transformed her life and gives tips on how you can too.
 
What was your life like before you discovered the secrets for how to live the life of your dreams?

 

Boring, void of direction and lacking the love and compassion I desired.  I went through the motions of each day, went to school and work, paid the bills, watched television and went out occasionally with friends.  My life was full of sadness and anger.  I turned this all inward in an attempt to gain some semblance of control.  I struggled for over a decade with anorexia and bulimia while subjecting myself to physically and emotionally abusive relationships.   I didn’t believe I deserved better and I certainly didn’t believe I could create a different life.

Was there a single event that caused you to leave the life you knew behind and that propelled you into going for your heart’s desires? 

 There are two events in my life that I can point to as being pivotal in propelling me to move in a different direction. The first was the night my then boyfriend of several years told me he was marrying someone else.  That caused me to take a long hard look at the people I was surrounding myself with and decide that I deserved only the best in my life.  At that point, I began to focus on a kind, loving and honest man coming into my life.  What I had not realized was that he was there all along I had just overlooked him, as I was not focused on receiving the good he wanted to share.  In changing my focus, I changed the people in my life and this connected me with my husband, shifting me out of abusive relationships. 

The second event occurred while I was seeking a way to release my dependency upon bulimia.  I became pregnant and in an instant, I realized this was bigger than I was and the Universe was giving me an incredible wake-up call.  I was now responsible for someone other than myself in a way in which I had never experienced before.   My unborn child was 100% dependent upon me.  This shifted my viewpoint from one of selfishness and control to selflessness and loving myself and another human being in a manner in which I had never loved before.  With this shift, I was able to release the illness and move forward into a healthier way of living.  

What is your life like now? 

 I am at peace.  I know who I am and I am comfortable with myself.  I embrace love.  I give and receive compassion, caring, respect and beauty.  Only the important things matter to me.  I get up each morning grateful for another day and ready to contribute to the best of my ability.   I feel it is up to me to make a difference in the world and to encourage others to do the same by following my lead as I follow the lead of those making a difference in front of me.  My time is invested in positive activities: reading, writing, eating healthy, socializing with like-minded individuals, and community.  I release the people and things that attempt to bring drama or negativity into my life.  My boundaries are clear and in setting them, I have found that the people and things I desire to be part of my world, come flooding into my life.   I admit, there are days when challenges arise and my life is far from perfect, but I see these days as reminders that I have a choice to make.  I can either feed into things or redirect my thoughts and actions back onto the path I desire.

How do you balance your work life and home life? 

 It can be challenging to create a balance between the two.  I’m a very visual person and I have found that if I map things out on a calendar, poster board or a dry-erase board, it makes it easier for me to accomplish my goals while still having plenty of time for my family and friends.  I tend to take things in pieces with small chunks making up the whole.  For me, it’s a lot easier to spend 2 hours a day for 4 weeks on a project, than to spend 8 or 10 hours a day on it for a week.  I allow myself reasonable amounts of time and choose not to put myself in a position where the deadline is unreasonable or will cause me to feel stressed or tired.   My husband (a network marketer) works from home and his office is across the hall from mine.  We respect each others appointments and timelines while still setting aside time to be together each day.   I set my schedule so that my work is done by the time my daughter arrives home from school, allowing her and I to have our quality time together without being interrupted by my work commitments.  On days she chooses to play with friends or has an afterschool activity, I use the time to work on pending projects.  This way she feels as if she lead the charge and it was not mommy choosing work instead of being with her.

What would say to someone who has a dream but can’t find time to work on it because he or she is swamped with a job, taking care of an ailing parent, and/or raising children? 

 “Your life is not yet as uncomfortable as it needs to be to drive you to make a change.”  Simple as that.  There is no such thing as a person who does not have the ability to make the time to work on their dream.   If something is really truly important to you, you will find the time to devote to it.  I’ve been there.  I know what it is like to wish there were more hours in the day, to convince yourself that if there were, THEN you’d get the things you were trying to get done, done.  It doesn’t work that way.  Each day has 24 hours and if used properly (based on whatever your schedule is), you can achieve your dream.  The key is that the dream MUST be something that radiates from your heart and soul and that you are willing to give up other things for.   I wrote an article on creating time.  One of the tips I share is to spend a few days mapping out where you are devoting your time and efforts.  Write down everything you do for a 48-72 hour period and it will become apparent to you where you can redirect your energies and create time to focus upon your dream.    Ideas include: cutting back (or out) watching television, getting up 30 minutes earlier or going to be 30 minutes later and spending that time on your dream.  If you work a job with a set lunchtime or break time, close your office door or find a quiet space and use this time to work on your dream.   It’s your dream and no one else is going to invest in you unless you lead the way.   So when you feel a tug in the direction of your dream, open your heart and make way for the road crew to pave the path of your journey.

 What secret do you wish everyone knew? 

 Life is a game full of love, fun and creativity.  The object of the game is to see how excited we can all be to burst out of bed each morning and face the day ready to share our hearts and souls with each other and the world.   I wish people would give themselves the gift of taking care of themselves and allowing themselves to feel good, because when we feel good, it’s contagious!

For more info and to order Caryn’s new ebook (which is amazingly only $9.95) click here: 

http://bit.ly/g7B8MX

____________________________________________________________________________

Caryn FitzGerald is a mother, wife, friend, writer, healthy foodist, nature lover, teacher, blogger, entrepreneur, coach, and overall lover of life!  She holds a masters degree and her formal training is as a mental health therapist.  She spent many years working in both the prison system and the community sector assisting those facing challenges on redirecting their lifes path. Caryn has been writing in several genres for over thirty years.  Some of her recent work includes: “Tulips in the Sand: A Riley Matthews Mystery” and “Fish Sticks, Books and Blue Jeans – Teaching kids to be thankful for everything (yes, even Fish Sticks) everyday!” which she co-authored with her daughter, Sami.  

Her belief is that a full, abundant life can be created and enjoyed regardless of one’s past. 

Today she enjoys the blessings of playing from home as a writer & speaker, fulfilling her passions by assisting others in learning the techniques required to create the life of their dreams. 

Blog: http://www.EmbracingMyJourney.com

Website: http://www.CarynFitzgerald.com

Forgive Yourself and Try Again

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Saturday was one of those days.  It started off nicely with a run in the woods with my dog, and I was even enjoying the long drive with my daughter to her Saturday morning class. But as the day wore on running one errand after another with now, two cranky pre-adolesents in tow, my sunny disposition began to fade. It reached a crescendo of negativity in the carpet store when both my daughters screamed at my husband and I for our carpet choice.  “Seriously Mom, flax?  You’re going to put flax carpet in our house!  It’s worse that ugly! You’re not touching my room! I’m keeping my carpet.”  etc., etc.  I’ll spare you the rest, but let’s just say the language got more colorful and spilled over to our other decorating choices…delivered at an ear-piercing decibel in the car.  I wanted to open to the car door, kick them out and leave them standing by the side of the road.

I didn’t though.  Like every other time, I breathed through it, and eventually they both calmed down and apologized to me.  However it’s moments like those where my ability to practice proactive gratitude aludes me.  How can I think of something to be grateful for at that moment? I can’t. And you know what? That’s okay. I’m not perfect.  I can, however, chose to forgive myself, see what lesson I can take from the experience, and try again.

It has been becoming clear to me recently that one daughter, in particular, reflects my shadow.  She acts out…in dramatic fashion…those places in me I refuse to accept about myself.  My healing then, comes when I can recognize those places, embrace them in me and forgive myself.  In this instance, her outburst reminded me that I have been pretty judgmental of the way in which my place of worship is decorated…really hating the color it’s painted, etc.  I don’t scream it of course. But the judgement is in me just the same.  I had the opportunity to recognize that on Saturday (after I had calmed down) embrace my judgemental thoughts, forgive myself, and then choose to be more accepting and gentler in my views.

That’s where the gratitude comes in.  I couldn’t get to this realization until I had wrapped my mind around something I was grateful for.  That day, I was soooooooo grateful that we had a babysitter coming that night and my husband and I could go out and enjoy ourselves.  I think I had never been so grateful for a babysitter!  After that huge gratitude others came easily. That’s when I was able to have the realization about the shadow.  One gratitude followed another and the rest of the weekend was wonderful.

The lesson again?  To Forgive Ourselves.  It’s okay to get caught up in a negative moment. We’re all human.  It’s just not okay to stay there. When we can, let’s bring our mind back to something for which to be grateful…anything…but make it big…really feel the gratitude. Then we can look at what lesson there may be for us in the situation…embrace it and move forward in gratitude.

Many blessings.

What Would 13 Positive Thoughts a Day Do?

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I happened to catch the Today Show this morning when a psychologist and Glamour Magazine editor were commenting on a startling report which found that women have on average 13 brutally negative thoughts a day about their bodies. That’s about one every waking hour.  Some had as much as 100.  (Here is the link to the show to find out more:  http://today.msnbc.msn.com/id/41669051/ns/today-today_health/)   

Then the psychologist repeated this saying that has become common in her field, “Neurons that fire together wire together.”   In other words, thoughts that we have repeatedly throughout the day about ourselves determines how our brain gets wired around our self-concept and, by extension, everything else we perceive.   She suggested that all those hateful thoughts about our body become a habit that keeps us trapped into general low self-esteem and powerlessness.

Well…I’m wondering what would happen if we had 13 positive thoughts about ourselves combined with grateful thoughts about our lives every day?  If the axiom holds true that “Neurons that fire together wire together”, then these thoughts will work together to wire our brains around naturally self-loving, life-loving concepts that produce high self-esteem and self-empowerment.  That’s my theory.

There’s only one way to find out. And because this is the Gratitude Experiment, let’s experiment with this idea: try for this for a few weeks and report back with your results.  So, in conjunction with your regular practice of proactive gratitude, try consciously noticing what you like about your body, your  talents, your brain, your abilities, the way you show up in the world, etc.   See if you can notice just one thing an hour. Or, concentrate these thoughts and notice 6 or 7 things all at once, two times a day…whatever is easiest for you.  But do this consistently.  Then, let me know how it goes for you.

The Optimistic Branch

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On a recent hike in the mountains, my husband and I came across a truly curious site.   At first glance it appeared to simply be a fallen tree, uprooted and lying quite dead on the forest floor, its roots jutting out sideways onto the trail.  But on second glance, we noticed that what we thought was a tree growing close behind, was in fact, a very large branch growing out of this same “dead” tree.  This branch was reaching up through all the other dead branches…and was very much alive.  It was not struggling to survive, it was clear that this branch was thriving….an abundance of brilliant green leaves dancing in the wind.

“How could this be,” we thought?  We inspected the tree a little more closely and discovered that a small portion of the root system…maybe 1/16th of it…was indeed still buried into the soil.

This branch refused to give up. It refused to accept whatever trauma had felled the tree, and simply affirmed its right to live and prosper. It was an example of the “optimism of nature” that Ralph Waldo Emerson talked about.  I can imagine a conversation between the tree and the branch, with the tree saying, “It’s over, we’re done for,” while the branch says, “oh, but look, there’s still a part of us connected to the earth, and look at the beautiful sun shining down on us.”  “I for one,” the branch continues, “am grateful for the life force which sustains me, the rain that feeds me, and sun which compels me to grow…woo-hoo…l’chiam…to life!”  And it grew and prospered.

From my perspective, this branch represents the part of us that refuses to be “felled” by life; the part of us that, despite past trauma and current challenges, despite setbacks and obstacles, has decided to instead look at the blessings in life and celebrate them.  It’s the eternal optimist…the grateful self within us.  And it is this “self” that…if we nurture it…will give rise to a rich and joyous life.  A life worth living.

Now, it seems that some people are born optimistic.  They just naturally wake up in the morning and notice the good, while others can’t seem to tear their attention away from what’s wrong with life.  But we can all cultivate an optimistic approach to life by (you guessed it) practicing proactive gratitude.  You cannot help being optimistic when you’re committed to searching out, documenting and celebrating the good that is in your life now.  The practice of proactive gratitude trains your brain to be optimistic.  It shifts your mind to automatically notice the blessings and to see and act on opportunities others miss.  It trains your whole being to vibrate with joyful expectancy.  And this vibration acts as a magnet drawing even more blessings into your life. 

If you are new to the practice or want to review the steps of proactive gratitude again, click here.  Then, think of the thriving branch growing out of apparent death and awaken your grateful, optimistic self.

Many blessings and l’chiam!