Tag Archives: victim

Breaking the Complaining Habit

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Complaining. It can feel pretty good to do in the moment. Ohhh, it feels so good to be right, even if it’s about something that’s wrong.  Unfortunately, it comes at a high price. It can cost you your peace of mind, your health, your friendships and your ability to create something better in your life. How can you see what’s possible if you’re always focusing on what’s in the way of your being happy? In addition, complaining…that’s the act of bitching and moaning about a condition or situation without doing anything to change it…puts you in the position of being a victim.  All of this is a pretty high price to pay for momentary satisfaction!

So, have you taken any steps to eliminate complaining from your life?  Have you tried wearing that purple, rubber bracelet from A Complaint Free World?  You know the one…every time you catch yourself complaining you’re supposed to switch it to the other wrist? That can be helpful for some. For others, it can be a good way to beat yourself up too. Maybe you’ve tried setting a personal intention and found a way to keep yourself accountable. Perhaps you’ve read book on it.  I’ve even seen a support group on Facebook to help eliminate complaining. As you can see, there are several ways to help break the negative spiral of complaining…some more effective than others.  I’d love to know what you’ve tried and what’s worked for you.

Perhaps the easiest way I know to break the complaining habit is through the process of proactive gratitude. Just the process of actively searching for things to be grateful for on a daily basis alone, shifts your perspective from one of seeing what’s wrong in the world to seeing what’s right in the world. So complaints no longer rush automatically to your mind and out of your mouth.  After practicing proactive gratitude for a time you’ll notice you are simply complaining much less (if you don’t your family or significant other will notice it.)

However, there will still be times something just gets your gall and it’s difficult to resist the urge.  Now, just to clarify, I’m not talking about those instances where there is something you can, in fact, change and you feel moved to speak your mind. That’s different.  I’m talking about those things you have no intention of trying to change; you just feel the need to complain about it.  So, here are 3 simple steps you can take to not only turn that complaint into gratitude, but completely shift your energy…

1.     Consider the condition, person or situation and just bite your lip for a moment (metaphorically, of course.)

2.    Take several deep breaths.

3.   Broaden your perspective for a moment and see if you can find something in the bigger picture that you can be grateful for…or an opportunity that wasn’t there before.

For example, I’m stuck in bad traffic…it’s not moving…and I’m late to an appointment. I might be tempted to curse and complain…loudly!  Okay, before I speak, I take a moment and breathe deeply a few times. Now I look at what opportunities might be inherent in this situation.  I have an opportunity of finishing that CD or radio program I’ve been listening too.  I have the opportunity of blessing everyone on the road…sending them loving thoughts.  I’m so grateful I have a cell phone and can call my appointment to let them know I’ll be late (I didn’t have that 10 years ago!) I can focus on the trees and bushes along the highway and really enjoy them. I’m so grateful for such beauty everywhere.

You see how you can come out of that situation a joyful, loving, positive person totally energized for your appointment?  Yeah.  This is the Gratitude Experiment. As always, let me know how this goes for you.

Gratitude Experiment: Day 62

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Sometimes people ask me if developing an attitude of gratitude causes one to ignore the problems in life…to just pretend problems are not there and therefore become apathetic and lack initiative.  It’s a good question.  I asked this same question too for many years, until I finally realized that nothing in life really gets solved by complaining about it. 

Let’s think about it. When we are complaining about some person or situation in our lives we are, in effect, putting ourselves in a victim position.  We’ve not yet done anything to change it. We may not see how it can be changed. So we complain, and complain, and complain.  The more we complain, the deeper we dig ourselves into victim-hood.  Are victims empowered to change things? No, they become paralyzed with fear, regret, blame and self-doubt.  It’s always someone else’s fault or the system’s fault that they’re miserable.  And they give up.

On the other hand, if we perceive life from a viewpoint that there is so much to be grateful for, we become empowered.  Oh, we notice those things that are wrong.  We’re not stupid.  However, we don’t dwell in it. We don’t wallow in it.  But, we see it all right.  And because we’re coming from a frame of mind that we are essentially blessed, we feel empowered to take any action necessary to change what can be changed as effortlessly as possible and return to a place of gratitude.   

People who practice proactive gratitude are more aligned with their intuition and innate wisdom.  They are unafraid to speak their mind, and move forward in life, taking whatever action needs to be taken to move things forward or make necessary changes. 

Proactive gratitude challenges us to search out the blessing in challenging situations and to call forth the blessing, while changing what needs to be changed…or changing our perception of an event and learning to live in peace with it. 

Don’t take my word for it.  Look around at the people in your life.  You probably know some people who just love to complain.  They just can’t get through a conversation without complaining about something.  Do they effectively change what needs to be changed?  Are they at peace with what can’t?  Then, look at those who have a positive, optimistic outlook on life…those who easily express their gratitude.  Are they more effective at taking action and speaking up when necessary?  Are they more centered and at peace?  Do their lives work better?  Take a look around and see the difference between the two. Then, decide which frame of mind you’d like to embrace.

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I am grateful for forgiveness. Those who forgive me and my ability to forgive others, and myself.

I am grateful for the beautiful pink cherry blossoms that are beginning to spring up.

I am grateful for a warm day at last.

I am grateful for my husband and his energy and initiative.  No lazy bones here.

I am grateful for all the insight that is flowing though me and for more clarity.

I am grateful for the prosperity manifested in my life this week.

Gratitude Experiment: Day 44

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How blessed I feel to have found the practice of proactive gratitude in my life. I know that at any moment, I can turn my attitude around. I can turn my day around. I am not  a victim of circumstance or conditions.  Whatever life presents, I have the choice of discovering…of uncovering…the blessings in any situation.  Then, suddenly I’m filled with joy. I feel blessed and loved by the Divine.  Suddenly I’m lifted out of the muck and mire of human experience and transported to a magical place of miracles.   A miracle, not only that I have found and experience joy and abundance in the midst of a challenge, but also that I am now attracting more of the joy and abundance in my life. I am on the vibrational frequency of joy and abundance…and that’s what I am attracting more of. 

The same is true for each one of us. At any moment, you have the choice to choose what you will experience.  I hope you’ll choose to discover…to uncover…the blessing in every experience.  Then, you will never be a victim again. That’s true freedom.

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I am grateful for such a fabulous day…sun shining, cool, moist and sparkling.

I am so grateful for the wonderful dinner with friends…people  who enthusiastically enjoy life!

I am grateful for really good bluegrass music…live.

I am grateful my daughter showed signs of maturity today…handling disappointment with grace as she cheered on others who took the prize. Hurray for her!

I am grateful for that tree today, that is feeling it’s innate “spring-ness” and despite the fact that we have another month of winter, at least, is beginning to bud.  What trust.

Gratitude Experiment: Day 39

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I want to continue a little more on the theme from yesterday. We were talking about getting into, and maintaining, the “feeling good” frequency that is necessary for effective manifestation of good in your life.  As I mentioned, practicing proactive gratitude is a sure way to get into that “feeling good” frequency.  Here’s why…

If you are going through your day with the mindset of looking for things to be grateful for, you are automatically overlooking the “negative”…the crap most people get sucked into while affirming, “oh boy, there it is again” (that thing I hate) or “look how awful that is” or “look what he/she said or did…aren’t they horrible.” And very soon you begin to feel pretty bad.  You begin to feel that most of your life stinks.  You begin to feel like a person that bad things keep happening to. There’s a word for that…victim.  Being a victim doesn’t feel good, and victims are not empowered to attract what they want into their lives.

But when you’re in the mind-set of searching for things to be grateful for, you see all the good stuff other people miss.  You see…and celebrate…all the beauty, all the love, all the joy, all the abundance, all the parts of your life that do work.  Focusing on that feels pretty good.  After practicing this for awhile, you begin to realize that the universe is a friendly place and has already given you a magnificent life.  That feels even better.  You don’t ignore that parts of your life that aren’t working.  On the contrary, you feel more empowered to do what’s necessary to change it.  And then…

After a while, this practice of proactive gratitude literally rewires the circuitry in your brain.  You are able to maintain that “feel good” frequency necessary to manifest your heart’s desires.  You go “from glory to greater glory.”

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I am grateful for these insights and the forum to share them with others.

I am grateful that my children now both love school. They go to school with happiness in their hearts. I am so grateful for this!

I am grateful for the sweet sound of the beautiful song-bird in my backyard.

I am grateful that the work on my attic is moving forward and am grateful that it will be done soon!