Tag Archives: difficult people

Gratitude Experiment: Day 43

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Continuing on the theme from the last post on practicing proactive gratitude with respect to  relationships and “difficult” people…

Often when we have an encounter with a “difficult” person, it brings up our anger, fear, resentment, sense of righteous indignation, and other strong emotions.  Strong “negative” emotions are always a signal to us…a signal that there’s something within us that’s unhealed. And, the encounter helps to bring it to the surface…and right in our face. 

For example, I find myself getting upset with people who behave like uncaring bureaucrats. Like some customer service personnel or government employees who apparently hate their jobs, and don’t really care about the customer’s needs. They’re simply answering the phones and following a script of responses to questions.   This just gets my blood boiling.  I think to myself, “why on earth would this person take a job where they have to deal with the public on any level?”

Okay, now I can (and have) felt very justified in my anger and end up slamming down the phone and screaming into it after I’ve hung up.  A lot of good this does, eh?  How about instead, I look at one of two things in myself…

A.) Where am I uncaring and unloving to others? Where do I brush people off and wish they’d just go away?   If I can see this in myself, I can bring it to the light for healing.  In this case the customer service person serves as a mirror to me.  He or she has held up a mirror so I can see how I do this and heal it.  Then perhaps I won’t need to attract that kind of person into my life anymore (and in fact, I have been encountering some amazingly friendly and helpful customer service people lately!)   So…I can be grateful for this person. They have, unknowingly, helped me heal!

or, B) This customer service person is showing me something in myself that feels not worthy of being treated well.  I can then ask myself, “What is it in me that feels unworthy of being treated with respect? Where in my childhood have I been ignored, dismissed and made to feel small and unimportant?”  Ahhh, there it is.  Then I can ask my higher self for guidance into that experience, or root of feeling unworthy. Now that I am aware of this, I can heal it.  Once it’s healed I no longer need to attract this kind of person into my life anymore.  And, a lot of other stuff will clear up as well!  So, can I be grateful for this customer service representative?  You betcha!  What a gift he or she has been to me.

Try this little experiement the next time you encounter someone who tries your patience and brings up your anger, fear, etc.  Let me know how it goes for you!

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My gratitudes for yesterday…

Ah, I’m grateful for the beautiful sunset last night.  They way the last bit of sun shone through the clouds and reflected such brilliant pinks and oranges.

I’m grateful for the fun time I had with my kids yesterday…just having an ice cream and helping them with their homework.

I am grateful for all the survivors that have been pulled from the rubble in Haiti…even a week later!

I am grateful for the compassion and opening of so many hearts, and the awareness of the need for healing in that part of the world.

Gratitude Experiment: Day 42

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We can also use gratitude to improve our relationships.  There’s the obvious use of gratitude in acknowledging our partner, children, family members or friends, and express to them verbally how much we appreciate them and whatever specific thing or quality we enjoy. Doing this never fails to encourage people to do more of whatever you appreciated. It also helps to lift their vibration and brings more love to the relationship.  There’s certainly no better way to get children to do what you want them to do, then by noticing and appreciating and heaping praise on them for those times they actually are behaving.

But, there’s also another use of gratitude that’s not so obvious…and admittedly, a little more difficult.  We all encounter people (family, friends and acquaintances) who are unpleasant or are just plain difficult.  It doesn’t come naturally to be grateful for them.  However, if we can take a moment and look a little deeper and notice that in this person’s heart is love. They’re just doing a good job of covering it up.  But, you play the detective…seek for that place of love within him or  her and then express gratitude for them (silently in your own heart.)  Focus on their true self. Focus on the love inside them…however buried it is…and give thanks for them.

You will be amazed at how quickly people will turn around and respond in kind. We are all connected and they will feel this love you’re sending their way on a deep, non-verbal level.

Try it today and tomorrow and let me know how it goes.

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I am grateful for Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. and his courage and commitment to peaceful protest. I am grateful for how he changed this country…and the world.

I am grateful for a family day and the opportunity to be together, relaxed and having fun.

I am grateful for the warmth of the sun shining today on this winter day.

I am grateful for seeing the new moon tonight and how it looked just like the smile of Cheshire Cat.